Do it with someone you love

By Strider the Dog

Dear Strider,

I really need some help here. My wife used to love the things we did together: bike riding down Mt. Ashland to town in the summer, hiking on Mt. Ashland in the spring and fall, skiing on Mt. Ashland in the winter. In fact, we just loved Mt. Ashland. We still do, I hope. Although you can’t really tell from the way she’s acting lately.

Now she’ll hardly go with me for any of that. Just once in awhile. Instead, she sits behind her computer, in a fury, raging about the people online, on social media or whatnot, trying to get rid of our marriage.

We were married last year. Happiest day of my life.

I get why she’s so mad. It’s really demeaning when people sneer at one of the most important things to you. And it’s scary to think it might all go away tomorrow. I don’t like it either.

But sometimes when she yells that what she’s doing is really important for both of us, as I’m going out the door on a day when the sun just broke through the rainclouds, I don’t feel grateful, just depressed.

Any advice for me?

— Ashland Wife

Dear Wife,

I’m really sorry. There’s nothing worse than wanting to frolic with a loved one, and having your loved one look like you interrupted something more important. Tod does that to me sometimes when she’s concentrating on her computer. I hate it, frankly. For some reason, she always thinks I’m trying to say I have to pee, which is kind of annoying when I’m really reaching out for some love. But at least it gets her up and outdoors for a bit.

I worry about her when she just sits all day. So I get how you must be worried about your wife. Not just sad because she’s in some angry space of her own rather than present with you. Which after all, as we dogs well know, is what brings the joy in life.

The thing is, you can’t make a loved one, or anyone really, do things they don’t want to do. That never turns out well. But a gentle reminder sometimes helps. A hug from behind while she’s on the computer? Maybe whisper in her ear, “Hey, your wife is here, and she loves you, and how about a little sunshine outside together?”  If that doesn’t work, maybe try, “Hey, your wife needs to go outside for a pee. You gotta let her out.” It might make her laugh. Laughing always brings a sense of reality to a situation, I find.

If she snarls at that — it happens at the dog park when some dog doesn’t want to play — just leave her alone for awhile. When she comes to, I bet she’ll realize you’re more important than whatever weird thing she’s reading on her computer. And that it’s more fun to laugh with a loved one than it is to rage at strangers. No matter how righteous the cause.

I wonder what would happen if everyone in the world knew that.

Good luck.

Strider the dog’s lines are open. Got a problem? Need some comfort or advice? Email askstrider@ashland.news.