Mentors not only ‘give back’ by helping a youth, they also learn more about themselves and meet new friends
By Bea Bacher-Wetmore
Initially, I was simply motivated by a desire to connect with a young person and to “give back” in a helpful way. It was easy to find an hour a week to talk with a young person and to take her to do fun things. But now, mentoring has now become so much more than merely “giving back.”
In the beginning, there are steps to getting a mentee. We mentors (men and women) are not merely assigned a youth. The process involves instruction in various perspectives about stages of youth development. The training sessions also give us techniques that we practice to help us persuade the youth to allow us to listen to them. It helps us mentors acquire the patience to listen for clues that indicate what the youth may be dealing with. We learn to not expound about our own lives or philosophies, but to focus on the youth’s strengths.
Afterwards, a trained staff person will search for a mentee whose interests, personality and/or background suggest a compatibility with the mentor. Guided by the staff facilitator, the parent/guardian and the mentee eventually meet in person with the prospective mentor. Each then gives feedback to indicate willingness of the mentee and mentor to enter into the weekly program, and the match is made. (There is a long waiting list of prospective mentees seeking a mentor.)
That’s not all! There are two programs providing ongoing support. The quarterly in-person sessions offer advanced learning, where I was introduced to descriptions of childhood traumas that produce PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Another example of what I learned was a wonderful book called the “Myth of Normal,” by Gabor Maté, which gave me several insights into my own life! There are numerous other examples that satisfy my desire to learn.
The second program is a monthly Zoom session that gives mentors a chance to seek tips and advice from each other on helping their mentee. Mentors can ask questions and get answers from the staff referees and also from their community of mentors. It can be amazing how helpful it is to share one’s issues with the group, and my own mentorship has improved as a result. (The staff is always available for phone consultation in critical situations.)
Not only does the mentor help the youth, but the mentor himself/herself finds a caring community of fellow mentors. Over the months and years, friendships arise. Speaking of months and years, many matches do last for years. Because of the long-term relationship, one has the rewarding privilege of watching a youth mature and blossom into a more resilient young adult.
My mentorship is three years along, and I feel so gratified to see my mentee progress from speaking in monosyllables to freely volunteering insights and self-analysis. Together we are sorting cultural assumptions and respecting our differences (I am much older, of a different generation!).
In summary, mentors not only “give back” by helping a youth develop resilience, but they also learn more about themselves and meet new friends.
Please consider whether you would like to find out more about being matched with a waiting youth. For more information, go online to rvmentoring.org, where you will find more information and access, among other things, to an application for becoming a mentor. There is a two-step training coming up Jan. 19-20, 2024.
Bea Bacher-Wetmore is a Rogue Valley Mentoring board member.
